Truth that Triggers Transformation

(Reposted from BeautifulWomanhood.com/blog November 1, 2017, #3 in a 3-part series)

By Candace C. Salamone

Don’t trust him, trust Me.

I will restore what the locusts have eaten away.

You are mine.

Hug him.

These aren’t just random instructions and verse tidbits.  They’re truths that triggered transformation in my life and marriage. They are the reason I’m able to write today from a green pasture rather than the valley of divorce.

Holy Spirit whispered them at moments of utter desperation when I didn’t believe this day would ever come. Despite my best effort, I couldn’t mend the unraveling threads of my marriage. My emotions constantly attacked my mind with things like:

He’s not the man you thought he was.

Things will never change.

You don’t matter to anyone.

Get as far away from him as possible.

I needed something more powerful than my own emotions to hold me—an unshakable anchor.

“God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us.  This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.” Hebrews 6:18-19, NLT

If you’ve been following my blog posts these last few weeks, you know that each revelation started with a whisper from the Lord. While I sought wise counsel with mentoring and community through church, it was hearing and obeying guidance from the Comforter himself that proved most powerful.

Wise counsel and community are important supporting roles in my relationship with Jesus, but I’ve learned they can never be substitutes for it. He’s the only one who knows absolutely everything—about you, your husband, your marriage, His Word, and His plan for your life. Only God’s truth has the power to transform. He’s always with us, yet, He only intervenes if we invite Him.

Do you want specific instructions and transforming truth from the Lord for your marriage? I want to encourage you that you absolutely can receive it—if you ask. 

My heart broke recently for a couple whose marriage was much like mine. A laundry list of hurts led to separation. Her church friends validated her choice. But when asked if she had sought the Lord, she sidestepped the answer, saying, “It’s done. Divorce is the only thing that makes sense. It will be better for everyone.”  But would it be? Maybe not. More importantly, was it what God would have directed?  Sadly, she didn’t know, because she had reacted to her emotions, substituting community for both wise counsel and the Comforter.

“Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3 (NASB)

There is no substitute for personally seeking the Lord and spending time in His presence. When we do, He promises to answer us. The more time we spend with Him, the more we recognize His voice. No one knows and understands your situation more completely than God.

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” John 10:27

It was not only receiving but also obeying those whispers from the Comforter that sustained me and ultimately turned my marriage around. Relying on my emotions would have led me astray. I would have traded God’s best for temporary relief from my pain.

I had all but signed the divorce papers when a good friend asked if there was anything my husband could do to change my mind. Our circumstances and my emotions screamed for a divorce. Yet, I replied, “Only if God says something different.” God’s word is the most powerful weapon we have. It must override every other voice.

Everything in me told me to get as far away from my husband as I could. Seeing him poured salt into fresh wounds, and I wanted so badly for him to feel the sting of it.

But God had other plans. Hug him. Embracing the source of my sorrow made no sense, so I ignored it.  But the Lord persisted. Hug him. Tears dripped from my chin and my thoughts protested fiercely, but my arms reached out in obedience. In that moment—relinquishing my own understanding—something in my husband broke and the love of the Lord flooded in.

Nothing has been the same since. My hug was nothing special. But my obedience allowed God’s instruction to be truth that triggered transformation for both of us. And that transformation became a pivotal piece of the Lord’s plan for restoring our marriage. 

It can be for yours too, but God’s truth can only trigger transformation when we’ve trained ourselves to listen and we’re willing to overlook our feelings and obey Him.

My husband and I still have much work to do, but we’re living in a miracle of God’s making, and it’s more fulfilling than anything we ever could have imagined.

I’m sure you know exactly how you feel about your husband and marriage, but what does the Lord have to say?  Have you asked Him? Are you listening? Will you obey even if it goes against your feelings?  Will you trust Him with the outcome?

“…when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.” Matthew 6:6

 

May I pray for you? Father God, help my sister to hear Your voice above every other.  Draw her to the secret place and give her the courage to seek Your will for her marriage despite her feelings.  Give her truth to hold on to that replaces the lies her emotions have told her.  Thank you for being a strong and trustworthy anchor for her soul. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

Something’s Gotta Die

(reposted from BeautifulWomanhood.com/blog October 25, 2017 #2 of a 3-part series)

by Candace C. Salamone

I needed it to be dead-dead. That’s what I heard in my spirit.  I knew it was the answer to a question I’d been asking the Lord about my marriage—more specifically, the undoing of it. My marriage had been lifeless for years, but “dead-dead?” What did He mean?

If you read last week’s blog post, you know my marriage was headed for divorce. The demise of our union was years in the making with too many wrongs to overcome.

But God.

To be completely honest, when I say I’d been asking the Lord a question about my marriage, what I really mean is I’d been accusing Him of failing me. I sounded like Lazarus’ sister, Martha, when he fell ill and died.  She sent word to Jesus that Lazarus’ condition had turned critical, begging Jesus to act quickly. Yet, according to the story in John 11, Jesus stayed where he was for two more days. Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days when Jesus finally arrived. In other words, he was “dead-dead.” And so seemed my marriage. Could that really be what God intended?

Full of disappointment and heartbreak, Martha and I both started our accusations the same, “If only You would have…”

Have you been there?  If only the Lord had done something sooner.  If only He would do something now. I never would have chosen these lonely nights tossing on my tear-soaked pillow or disappointing my children and having our family torn apart. Why did it have to come to this? Why did He wait and let things go this far? Like Martha, I’d sent word that the end was near unless He intervened. For me, it had been years, not days, of heartache coupled with desperate cries for help.

I prayed, sought wise counsel and scoured God’s word, determined to save my marriage. I’d even found encouragement in Lazarus’ story—declaring and holding on to the truth that if God could raise Lazarus from the dead, He could resurrect my marriage too.  But here’s what I’d missed that the Lord was showing me now.

Resurrection is for things that are completely dead, meaning something must be all the way dead— “dead-dead”—not just dying, in order to receive a resurrection miracle.

God’s miracles are not simply about solving our problems and helping us escape our pain.  He wants to reveal Himself more personally and completely to us so that we recognize our need for Him, and so that ultimately He receives all the glory. He’s the only one who knows what it takes to accomplish that.

“… it happened for the glory of God so that the Son of God will receive glory from this.” John 11:4, NLT

Bringing newness out of death is the Lord’s way—both literally and figuratively.  It started in the old testament and hasn’t stopped.  Death gets rid of the old and makes way for the new.  It makes room for God to do things only He can do, because He’s the only one who knows and fully understands the problems as well as how to fulfill His purposes in each of us and our husbands.

I’m not suggesting that you open the divorce’s door, like I did.  But I am asking you to consider whether there are things that need to die and places you need to make room for God to move in ways only He can.

Are there patterns of thinking or behaviors you need to let go of? Expectations you’ve placed on your marriage or your husband? Is something from your past affecting your marriage? Or maybe you’ve submitted your plan to the Lord for what needs to happen in your marriage so you’ll be happy and satisfied.

I don’t know what thing the Lord wants to be “dead-dead” for you and your marriage. But I do know that death is inherent to life with Jesus.  He is the only One who overcomes death.  Giving Him all control allows Him to be the miracle-working God He longs to be in your life and marriage.

Will you give Him room to work?  Ask the Lord to show you what needs to die so He can resurrect it.

I’d taken the role of junior Holy Spirit in my marriage for a very long time. I thought I knew exactly what was wrong with my husband and how to fix him. The Lord wanted no part in my plans.

He wanted to give us more than I could ever have asked or imagined. He wanted no mistaking that this miracle was His doing.  For that, He needed my marriage to be dead-dead—which meant I was finally giving up control so He could fully move in.  None of this looked the way I would have chosen or expected, yet I never could have imagined the amazing miracle marriage God is building or the love He is growing.

^“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels—a plentiful harvest of new lives.” John 12:24, NLT, emphasis added 

May I pray for you: Father, I ask for a resurrection miracle in my sister’s marriage.  Thank you that You are the resurrection and the life.  Show her the areas in her marriage that need to die so that You can bring new life to them.  Strengthen her along this journey.  Fill her with the hope that You are able to do immeasurably more than she could ever ask or imagine according to Your glorious power at work within her. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

A Promise and a Plan for Harvesting a Crop of Love in Your Marriage

(Reposted from BeautifulWomanhood.com/blog October 18, 2017, #1 in a 3-part series)

by Candace C. Salamone

Are you desperate to harvest a crop of love?  If my marriage and those of the women who pass through my living room weekly are any indication, I’m guessing your answer is, “yes.”

While love is usually what leads us into marriage, sadly, it’s what often dries up as life happens.  Dry ground is no place for new growth, but God has a plan that will drench the love drought in your marriage and produce a plentiful love harvest.

“I said, ‘Plant the good seeds of righteousness,
and you will harvest a crop of love.
Plow up the hard ground of your hearts,
for now is the time to seek the Lord,
that He may come
and shower righteousness upon you.’” Hosea 10:12, NLT (emphasis added)

I read this verse through the blur of tear-filled eyes, my heart as empty as my husband’s closet. Along with his clothes, I had packed away the hopes and dreams for our marriage

Me harvest love? How? There are no good seeds in my marriage.  How can I reap love after all that’s happened?  I don’t know all that’s happened in your marriage, but God does. And when the One who is himself, love, assures a love harvest, it’s a promise you can grab hold of.

My marriage was in a totally hopeless, end-of-the-rope place where harvesting anything from it, much less love, seemed beyond impossible. Our love tank had been empty for more than a few harvest seasons.

Can you relate?

God’s desire is to heal our hearts and restore love to our marriages. I’m beginning to experience the buds of new love growing, and I believe you can too. Hope is rising in my marriage where weeds of despair had grown dense. True forgiveness is sprouting where deep-rooted hurts had smothered peace.  And I’m no longer fixating on my husband’s issues—trusting the Lord to work on him instead. Love is growing.

But, the work began in me, and it started here with Hosea 10:12.  Everywhere I went, Hosea was there. On the radio and in my dreams.

Even in my own backyard.

Work gloves on, several shovels and wheel barrow in tow, I stepped into the yard to remove piles of dirt left behind by a project.  The piles looked loose, but when I thrust the shovel into them, they were hard as rock. With all my strength, swinging sharp, heavy tools, only crumbs broke away.

How could loose dirt harden so quickly? It had only been there a few days. No one packed it down. It was untouched, yet completely hardened, and impossible for me to move.

God’s gentle whisper pierced my spirit. This is just like your heart.

What do you mean? I asked.

These piles of dirt are like the hurts and wrongs you’ve collected over the years. They’ve piled up in your heart, and untouched, they’ve hardened. Your heart couldn’t receive love even if I sent it. 

Holy Spirit was right. I was holding onto years of wrongs, and they had hardened the ground of my heart. God had my attention.  I remembered the verse from Hosea.

The hardness of my heart was blocking my love harvest. Like the farming metaphor in the verse implies, I had work to do.

Farmers know they can’t plant and harvest in the same season. Not only do seeds take time and tending to grow, but before seed goes into the ground, the dirt itself must be carefully and meticulously prepared to receive it.

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What if, like mine, your love harvest has been delayed because the planting ground of your heart hasn’t been properly prepared to receive it?

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God’s plan in Hosea 10:12 can change that. It says: in order to harvest love, you must plant righteousness, but before you plant, first, you must plow.

The Hosea 10:12 Plan

Step 1:  Plow up the hard ground of your hearts

Plowing has a very specific purpose in preparing soil for seed. It turns the upper layer over, bringing fresh nutrients to the surface, while burying the weeds (like unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment) and dislodging the roots and remains of previous crops (or in our case, past wrongs) so that they break down and die.

Bringing in fresh nutrients allows light into the dirt below the surface. So, for me, plowing meant acknowledging the truth of what the Lord had shown me.

Uncovering the root of the problem is the first step in resolving it. The ground of my heart needed work, and I couldn’t do it alone.

Step 2:  Now is the time to seek the Lord

Invite the Lord in. Ask Him to show you what’s piled in your heart that has you stuck, then release it to Him. His word promises that He rights every wrong. That means you can stop building a case for your pain and holding on to the causes.

I’d been stuck in survival mode, justifying my heart’s condition for far too long. Pleading my case one last time, I filled the pages of my journal with the wrongs and released them, saying, “I forgive my husband for [insert each wrong] and I trust You, Lord, with my heart.”

When we do this, God promises to do the heavy lifting for us. He says, “I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” (Ezekiel 36:26, NLT, emphasis added)

A responsive heart.  That’s exactly what I needed in order for my heart to receive anything—including the seeds that would produce love.

Previous pain doesn’t have to kill our marriages, but we must turn the roots over to the Lord. Left untouched, they’ll battle anything we try to plant. New growth simply won’t take root.

Step 3: Plant the good seeds of righteousness

Ordinary seeds won’t produce love, only the good seeds will. Where do they come from? Hosea tells us. God provides them.

He is our supply and portion for every need. When we do what we can do, God does what only He can do:

Plow your hearts (what we can do),

Seek the Lord (us, again),

so that He (God) may come and shower righteousness (the good seeds) on you.

When we do the plowing, God does the showering. Your work will prepare the way so that His “good seeds of righteousness” fall on fertile ground.

God is love. That means His seeds will produce the crop of love He promises. Unlike the romantic love of this world, God’s love fulfills, satisfies and endures.

Don’t let another harvest season pass you by. Start this work in your heart. Release your hurts to the Lord, and allow Him to produce a love harvest that will overflow to your husband.  God’s love truly can cover a multitude of sin.

Let’s get plowing.

May I pray for you? Father, I lift my sister and her marriage up to you. You know the depths of pain she’s endured and the tears cried. Comfort her. Thank you for the promise of harvesting a crop of love.  Help her to follow Your plan by plowing the hardened ground of her heart so that You can drench her in Your righteousness. Thank you that with Your help, she can break down the remains of previous hurts and release them to you.  Give her the strength and courage to get plowing and to trust you with her husband. Thank you in advance for healing and restoring her marriage. In Jesus’ name. Amen

A word from Apostle Samantha Bogan–

“God has a job to get done, it is in His right to use whomever He chooses! He needs no one’s permission and no one’s approval! In this season, God is not looking for hype, but He is looking for results! He is raising up the most unlikely of vessels to use for His glory!”

‪#‎notthistimedevil‬ ‪#‎forHisglory‬©
(Repost from her Facebook March 28, 2015)